It is Thursday afternoon on 8 September 2022.
Grace 🚐 and I are just getting back to our pitch after a wonderful stroll through Saintes in western France.
I open Facebook and it hits me like a ton of bricks. In my favourite group on the subject of London, there are reports of the Queen's poor condition.
A few anxious hours later, the sad certainty. Queen Elizabeth II is dead.
Grief, consternation, shock. If you know me a bit, you probably know that I lived in England and am a strong Anglophile. "My soul is definitely English", as I like to say.
Pure heteronomy
When I now reflect on the life of this remarkable personality, a lot of admiration, humility and respect come up.
And compassion. Compassion for a woman who from a very young age was part of a very narrow construct.
A woman who was forced into a role that she was to play for the rest of her life. 70 years in the end.
70 years of alienation. Just thinking about it makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up!
Having to do a job that was imposed on you, having to surround yourself with people you can't choose for yourself and having to follow strictly prescribed structures every day that you can't determine yourself.
An absolute horror! Yes, she has my sympathy. And now she is free.
How is that with you?
What does it do to you when you read these lines? Do you recognise certain similarities in your life?
Do you sometimes have the feeling of being stuck in a life situation that you don't really want to be in (any more)?
Do you also find yourself again and again in situations that you did not determine yourself?
Do you want to change this?
Do you want to be in your power again to shape your life the way you and your soul want it so much?
Then talk to me!
Let me accompany you 1-on-1.
We look at your goals.
We give your dreams space.
And we find ways for you to regain your self-determination.
I believe in you. You can do it!
How to become more self-determined
What does being self-determined mean to you?
For me, simply put, it's being able to do exactly the things I really want to do. And I can take the freedom (and organisation) not to do the things I don't want.
However, in order to be clear about what you want, you must first become aware of how things are right now.
Often, in our daily lives, we don't even notice how externally determined we are.
Step 1: Awareness
- In everyday life, pay close attention to what you do and whether you really want to do it. (Meeting with girlfriends, chauffeuring the children etc.).
- Do you live where and how you want?
- Do you surround yourself with the people you really want in your life? (Or do they tend to drag you down?)
- Do you eat what you want, what is good for your body or soul? (And not your guilty conscience!)
- Does your work fulfil you?
- Do you enjoy it or is it only a means to an end? (Paying off debts, providing for your family etc.)
What thoughts come to your mind when you ask these questions?
Observe yourself carefully and see what feelings come up in you. Without judging them.
How to become more self-determined - 3 concrete steps out of external determination! #self-determined life #mindsettool #thankfulness #makesimple
What do you really want?
It starts in the morning.
The alarm clock rings and determines when you are woken from your dreams. No matter how tired you are.
Then it's on to the daily chores. Whether in the household, with the family or at work. No matter whether you are employed or self-employed. Because I also know this from my beginnings in self-employment. We think that we have to adapt our working hours to our customers.
Spoiler: this is not the case!
- But how do you want to have it instead?
- How do you want to start the day?
- When and with which clients or colleagues do you want to work?
- Who do you want to spend your free time with?
- What do you want to do and how do you want to feel?
This is how you can find out:
Step 2: Listen to your inner voice
Set a fixed appointment with yourself in your calendar. Last about an hour, an hour and a half.
Have a nice notebook and your favourite pen ready.
Get into the right mood with some calm instrumental music or a meditation.
Now let your thoughts, your wishes run free.
Write down everything that comes, without censorship - everything is possible!
Answer yourself these questions:
What activities make me feel really happy?
What inspires me?
Who do I want to spend my time with?
What do I want more of in my life?
You can also write down your perfect day, where you do all the things that bring you joy.
Feels great, doesn't it? Sleep on it for a night and add more later.
Aaand ACTION!
So, what did you get out of the exercise?
Were you able to switch off your inner nonsense ("Quatschi" as I always call the mind when it comes in so nastily) and give space to your desires?
Don't worry, the longer you've been stuck in the "I have to" loop, the harder it can be.
And believe me, the more you integrate this free thinking, the more brilliant it becomes! So feel free to do the exercise over and over again.
See the world and life as a catalogue from which you can choose what you want. The most important thing is that you are aware of it first.
But what now? What happens next? This:
Step 3: Make it simple!
- You feel a clear no when you ask for a date? Then say no!
- You realise that this work, these customers just don't bring you any joy? Then pull out!
- You have a strange feeling in your stomach when the person opposite you just doesn't perceive you properly? Then leave!
- You understand the principle, don't you?
- And actually you've known all this for a long time 😉
And I can hear your inner nonsense all the way here: Yes, in theory it might work, but it's not so easy for me...
...and that's where I come in!
To integrate these things into your life and pursue your goals, you are allowed to stand up for yourself.
This can sometimes sting a little. Because not all people around you will accept the changed version of you just like that.
You may encounter resistance or even opposition from time to time. It is important to have someone at your side who supports you and accompanies you.
That's why I have my mentoring sessions, I am there for you!
You are finally going for YOU.
We give your dreams space.
You get YOUR clear idea of freedom.
You empower yourself to claim this freedom for yourself.
Time for your transformation!
You feel it too, don't you?
It's time for your change!
- Are you ready to go for yourself and your desires?
- Have you had enough of keeping yourself down and trying to please everyone but yourself?
- Do you want to take control of your life NOW?
- Do you long for peace within yourself?
- Can it finally be "just" about you?
Then book a no-obligation conversation with me here and we'll see how I can support you!
It's never too late, but always high time!